Are They Clingy or Are We Clique-y?
The Echo Editors | April 28, 2026
I like the specific vibes of my close friends. Additional friends won't stop interjecting, do not get the vibes that sometimes we don't want to invite them to specific things, and seem to expect that the entirety of our social lives bears the obligation for the full group of us to hang out. This sixth friend isn't necessarily a specific person, we end up sixth wheeling unintentionally. Are we being too exclusive, or are we the captains of our own friend group?
No, you’re not being too exclusive. It sounds like some of the people in your circle do not “click” as well as others, which is totally normal. Everyone has friends, close friends, best friends, and acquaintances. Sometimes those categories overlap, and sometimes we would prefer that they stayed apart. You don’t need to feel obligated to see everyone at the same time at all times.
It could be argued that the idea of a “friend group” carries with it a deeper level of obligations and social expectations. As our very own Ben Feinberg has said, the terminology itself is very recent. Even though in the past groups of friends would hang out together regularly, the concept of a “friend group” as an established (and often seemingly permanent) social order can simplify and complicate one’s social life.
On one hand, having an established group of friends can ease any anxieties that might come with making plans or showing up to social events. There are certain expectations surrounding who will show up, who will drive, who will take care of what, etc. This familiarity can be comforting, especially when social meetings or outings are a regular occurrence.
On the other hand, spending all of your social time with the exact same group of people can be emotionally and socially draining. There are certain obligations that can build up; one might feel pressure to show up consistently to every single event or meeting. This can make spontaneous plans impossible and pre-planned gatherings feel like a chore.
Additionally, having a friend group can mean different things for each member of the group, and as the creation of such groups is often relatively unspoken, individuals may feel that they are a part of the inner circle when, in reality, they fall just outside it. This can make it difficult to express to someone that they are not invited to specific events, as they may take it personally and feel you are excluding them with malicious intent.
However, it can be important to surround yourself with people you connect with deeply, your best friends, and not simply any friend you have ever had. While, of course, you should probably include others when you can (if you like them), it is also okay to take a step back from a larger group and focus on people you truly “click” with. Think about what you might owe to others: do you simply owe them respect, or do you owe them a relationship? A reflection of your obligations to others may be a helpful starting point in addressing your question.
It sounds like your friend group is on the same page about this person, but if you aren’t, it might be a good time to approach them about the subject. If your friends feel the same way, they can help set boundaries with the people outside your inner circle. Just don’t be rude about it! There are ways of speaking to people and planning smaller outings without hurting anyone’s feelings. And if someone is demanding that they be included in everything you do – maybe they aren’t someone you want to maintain a friendship with. Think about who you really want in your most solid “friend group”.
Best of luck!
~The Ethicist
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