Dear Listener: The Advice Line
Neko Heinrich | December 11, 2024
Throughout various moments in life, we all find ourselves in states of uncertainty, strife and hardship. Whether in the form of intrapersonal conflict, a challenging decision that needs to be made, or a roadblock in one’s relationship to others, there is no need to navigate hardship alone.
That being said, we do not always have the option to reach out to someone in our lives. Or maybe we do, but we need a fresh set of eyes to analyze our situation. Hence, this is the first piece in The Echo’s new advice column.
If you find yourself in a situation that warrants advice, feel free to anonymously explain your situation and gain a new perspective by filling out the google form linked here:
This week’s question:
“I feel that I have not been approached by many people :( How do I attract the right people?”
Answer:
It is never easy to feel like you are out of place, fruitlessly searching for connection… it can quickly become exhausting.
You say that you have not been approached by many people, which leads me to the question: how many people have you tried approaching?
In the case you have not attempted to forage connections on your own, a solid course of action is to push yourself to have conversations with new people. Though it seems obvious, it is often easier said than done if you face any anxiety surrounding potentially uncomfortable social situations. If that resonates, make yourself have those interactions. Life is not a waiting game, and your fate lies in your own hands. The stakes are never as high as they may feel.
We live so much in our heads, and it is incredibly easy to see people around us constantly surrounded by community and conclude they are socially satisfied. Often we fail to recognize that even those who seem so connected still sometimes feel out of place. At the very least, the majority of people are looking for new connections, just like you. By approaching them, you are not only getting what you want but are likely offering them an exciting new opportunity for friendship by speaking to you. It is a two-way street.
If you have relationships with people around you but feel unsatisfied with them, I encourage you to look inward and ask yourself why you are unhappy with them. Are you comparing them to your close relationships of the past? Do you feel like you are not yourself around them? While these are valid feelings, it is important to realize that just because a relationship does not look or feel like exactly what you are searching for, that does not make it any less valuable.
It takes a variety of types of relationships to make our web of connection whole. Some will be solely light-hearted, some will have great depth, others both. One is not better than the other, and it is vital to see the value in every type. They all fill a different need.
As for people not approaching you, what situations have you put yourself in where this could happen organically? Here is an analogy about finding the right groups:
Jacob wants to go on morning runs but he has no one to go with, so he is unmotivated and does not go. In turn, he is unsatisfied with himself as he does not partake in his hobby and does not meet anyone since he has not left the house.
One day, he decides to go on a run alone. He does the same thing the next day. After a week, his neighbor stops him and says she wants to start running. They start going on runs together. A few more days pass and someone else joins. Soon enough, they have a group of runners who develop their relationships with one another and do what they are passionate about.
So what can you do? Make a list of what you are passionate about. If it is sports, start attending games. If it is writing, attend workshops and reading events. Whatever it is, follow it. Eventually, those who have similar interests will find their way into your life while you are simultaneously becoming more fulfilled with yourself as you engage with things you care about.
In the realm of connection and relationships, all is never lost. In moments you feel like you will never find your people, they are out there looking for you too. Remember your worth as an individual and do what you love. With time and trust, connection will find you anywhere you go.
"letters to friends" by peyri is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.