The Batman Cometh
Jordan Hoban | April 7, 2022
Robert Pattinson in “The Batman.”
There are few three-hour movies. Especially ones that come to theaters. Especially ones that are three hours. Especially those. But, little by little, superhero movies are amassing girth, and are gorged on their own self-importance. Enter “The Batman,” as he strides confidently toward the oncoming bullets of lackluster reviews. But it isn’t all bad. Director and co-writer Matt Reeves' vision has something visceral to be appreciated, and his grounded take on Batman (more grounded than Christopher Nolan’s?) leaves you with a stunning sense of appreciation for all the work that went into the movie. But, three hours?
It’s not always fair to compare movies, but let’s talk apples and oranges. “Magnolia” is 3 hours long. While not a completely successful movie, it can’t be denied that it takes advantage of the runtime to pack the screen and story full of twists, turns, and surprises. When you leave the theatre you’re thinking, “Well, that was a lot.” Whether you liked it or not, there was at least a sense of value. But, wait. Who’s that in the shadows? Why, it’s the Batman again, looming over us with his Batarang inches from our faces. Three hours.
And what do we get for those three hours? We get two different movies. But are they actually two different movies, or two divergent ideas of what the movie should have been? You have Plot A, where the Riddler terrorizes Gotham elites. Then there’s Plot B, something about Catwoman and the Penguin. It could also be argued that there’s a third, hidden Plot C, which isn’t a plot at all, but instead a series of stylized images that are at odds with the down-to-earth vision of the bulk of the movie. But that’s another story. We’re going to focus on Plots A and B.
Plot A feels like it is cut right out of a David Fincher movie, even the shot selection and neutral color palette aid in this comparison. The Riddler’s costume feels related to the Zodiac Killer’s, and that’s no accident. But don’t get too invested in Plot A, because sooner than you realize we have Plot B on the scene. And when it arrives, hold onto your hats, because you’re about to forget everything that has happened in the past hour through the sheer force of cinematic digression.
Plot B is tangentially linked to Plot A by an encounter at an elite nightclub run by the Penguin, where the clientele are essentially everyone on the staff of Gotham City Police Department. Driven by a desire to find her roommate, a woman we meet briefly in a photograph and then are expected to care about for the remaining 2 hours of the movie, Catwoman does stuff and something, and things happen, and whatever. It’s an incredible diversion in an already bloated plot that adds little to the story and feels less like intrigue and more like fan service.
In talking about the movie with people who are extreme Batman comics fans, you’ll begin to realize there are a lot of story references to specific runs of the comics. That’s fine, but if the writing doesn’t make it interesting to people who aren’t fans, then what does it matter? What it does is alienate an audience who have already invested their very small bladders into the experience. You can always tell a fan service moment by the way it stands out.
However, there are good points to the movie. Points that could have been honed and sharpened by a more focused plot and runtime. Namely, Robert Pattinson as Batman/Bruce Wayne. He’s been given a lot of flack for playing it too emo, but he does a fine job with only one scene of glaring emo-ity (his hair flops in front of his face and everyone has flashbacks of My Chemical Romance). In the suit, Pattinson is a menacing figure, walking everywhere not only to look cool, but because the suit looks like it weighs 200lbs. The visceral image of Pattinson hulking around in the suit, getting off balance and all but crushing the skulls of the baddies is quite an experience. That, balanced with the new Batman theme, a minimal two-note piece that develops with growing intensity, creates some heady moments not present in other Batman movies.
But, when it’s all said and done, it’s three hours long. What do you want to do with your time?
