The Continuous Misunderstanding of Feminism
Ada Lambert | December 2, 2021
I have a distinct memory of the first time I had a negative interaction about feminism. I was in my sophomore year of high school and had recently joined the Feminism Club in an attempt to make new, more like-minded friends that I felt comfortable around (opposed to the majority of snobby Charleston kids I’d interacted with previously). I was new to Charleston at the time and had a hard time finding my place in my lovely public school of 4000 students, so I thought maybe joining some clubs would benefit me. That morning I was walking with a friend. This friend and I definitely didn’t see eye-to-eye on most subjects, but usually it didn’t come up in conversation so at the time I didn’t really mind. She had asked me that morning to attend “Prayer at the Pole” with her, something that I was not interested in in the slightest and had told her so on multiple occasions before.
“I can’t; I have a Feminism Club meeting this morning,” I said. I didn’t think anything would come from it; feminism is a pretty widespread thing, right?
She furrowed her eyebrows at me and a sort of grimace formed on her face as if she had just gotten a waft of something rotten.
“Why would you go to that?”
I stood there for a moment and considered what I could say. The childish part of me wanted to ask why she went to “Prayer at the Pole,” but then I quickly decided that I should probably not say that. I more so wanted to understand what she thought feminism meant.
“Well, because I think it’s important,” I told her with confusion written all over my face.
“Oh, well women shouldn’t be better than men. That’s not equality; that’s just hating men.”
With that, she walked away. I don’t remember if my jaw physically dropped or not, but I know in my mind I was in a state of immediate shock. Anyone who took the time out of their day to even look up the simplest definition of feminism would know that feminism is fully built off the foundations of equality/equity for women in societal structures. But as time went by I realized not many people chose to take the time out of their day because it is simply easier to dislike what they don’t want to understand.
I grew up in a very conservative home, so most of my views derive from my own research and self-taught notions about the world, as well as my educators, advisors, and other role models that shaped my views in some way. I have known ignorance my whole life; I see it in the eyes of my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, even the cousins that are hardly ten years older than me. I understand ignorance all too well, and because of that, I think I have learned so much about the reasons people believe what they do.
People derive their own notions based off experience, environment, and their approaches to learning, so it makes sense that a large amount of people do not understand the primary goals of the feminist movement. It is innately angering, but I also get it. I know that my opinions were very different five years ago, and I know somewhere along the way I read something or I heard someone speaking about a topic, and everything I had thought to be so objectively correct fell to pieces.
I recently had a conversation with one of my friends about feminism, who happens to be a cis, straight, white man. He wanted to hear more about feminism because he hadn’t ever been exposed to it. I am taking a feminist philosophy class this semester, which gave me a position to stand from and discuss with him. At first, he explained to me what he thought feminism meant and embodied, referencing male-bashing feminists that he has seen in the media. He explained to me that he thought feminism is a valid and needed movement but it seemed to have evolved into a space for more of a hatred of men rather than equality.
I won’t lie, there are some “feminists'' I've seen on social media that completely misconstrue the goal of feministic ideology, and I think that is very dangerous for the feminism movement because those people create harmful double standards that can put both women and men in danger or positions to be abused. I think that a complete societal re-evaluation of feminism would benefit everyone at this point.
It has never made sense to me why there aren’t basic introductions to important social topics such as feminism in school. I think the biggest issue with it is that parents will complain that their children are being “brainwashed” or something really outlandish like that. The solution to destigmatize feminism is not an easy one, and not a quick one at that. I think continuous progression and constructive feedback in conversations about feminism will make a huge impact.
Talking to my friend a few days ago about this piqued my interest in writing about feminism and the way it's viewed. I saw in him that he wanted to learn but he just hadn’t had anyone really explain and answer the questions he had. After our conversation he told me that feminism seemed a lot more important than he initially thought. Sometimes a simple discussion can sway an undeveloped opinion. There’s a lot we can all learn from each other, but only if we listen.