Remembering Nex Benedict
Eli Styles | February 28, 2024
Content warnings: transphobia, violence, death
What do you say when another trans child is murdered?
How do you write about abject violence, transphobia and the loss of yet another beautiful life to ignorance and hatred?
How do you compartmentalize enough to put words on the page, to adhere to Associated Press style, to keep emotions from bleeding through?
The answer to that last question, at least, is that you don’t. And we, as trans writers, trans journalists and trans college students, should not have to. We will not.
On Feb. 8, 2024, Nex Benedict died after being beaten by three girls in the bathroom of Owasso High School in Owasso, Okla. the day prior in an act of transphobic violence.
Nex was 16 years old, nonbinary and a member of the Choctaw nation, the third-largest federally recognized tribe in the United States. Friends and family close to Nex have said that Nex used he/him pronouns in school and they/them pronouns at home, though there is not a clear consensus of how Nex would like to be referred to. We wish Nex were here to tell us themselves.
Nex was many things to many people. He was an incredible artist and a great cook. He was described by his partner, Spencer, as “one of the brightest kids in the room”, and by his teacher, Tyler Wrynn, as “a fiery kid”. Nex was extremely open about his queer and trans identities and made sure that people accepted them.
A former partner of Nex’s, Robin Gray Ingersoll, took time at a vigil held in Owasso to describe who Nex was as a person.
“As an individual, Nex was one of the strongest and toughest people I’ve ever met, but he often hid behind (that) to gain respect from people,” Ingersoll said. “And because of that, he built a lot of walls. And he didn’t let them down very often. But when he did, he can be one of the funniest and sweetest and most thoughtful people. And he would have done anything for someone that he cared about or loved.”
By all accounts given at the vigil and beyond, Nex was a beautiful person and soul. They were a caring partner, a vibrant student and a passionate human being.
They should still be here.
This article should not have had to be written.
Violence against trans people has always existed. In the last year alone we lost so many trans individuals to murder or suicide, all as a result of the culmination of transphobia and hatred that is still perpetuated by individuals everywhere. We as a society have made progress, but we are far from where we need to be.
We, as the editors of The Echo Newspaper, want to tell the story of who Nex was as a person. We do not want to add to the narrative that many news outlets have run with that centers around Nex’s death rather than their life. We want to talk about what a wonderful person they were and how they were a light to this world.
But more importantly, more than anything, we are infuriated that Nex is not still here to tell his story himself.
Nex’s story is not ours to tell. It was his life, his body, his story, and the violence against him hideously took the opportunity to share Nex’s story away from him.
No matter how many vigils are held or how many articles come out about Nex, we will never get him back. We will never get any trans person lost to violence back, and that reality is a nauseating one to come to terms with.
A vigil was held at Warren Wilson College (WWC) for Nex on Feb. 26, 2024, at Morris Pavilion. The Queer Resource Center (QRC) and Indigenous Student Association (ISA) facilitated the event. The Echo will not be covering the details of the vigil out of respect for the space and the communal mourning that it allowed.
The vigil was beautiful and heartbreaking, and due to the deeply personal nature of that event, we have chosen to leave our experiences at the pavilion unpublished. Thank you to the QRC and ISA for creating a safe space for those affected by Nex’s death to grieve.
The trans community is strong. We will persevere. We will take the steps necessary to prevent this from ever happening again. But the murder of Nex Benedict will weigh heavily on us for the rest of time, no matter the outcome of autopsy reports or trials that ultimately leave a sick feeling in the mouths of those who know what it is like to have their bodies analyzed for the gain of cisgender people.
This should never have happened, and it should never happen again.
Rest in power, Nex.
Say his name.
